2 down, 2 to go!

We had our second home study visit today.  In this visit our social worker interviewed Caleb and I individually.  I was a little nervous about this visit just because it was going to be so personal.  She asked us questions about our childhoods, marriage, parenting/discipline style, how we handle stress, what characteristics we are thinking our boy may have, how we are thinking our lives will be when we adopt, etc.  Lots of questions!  It didn't go as bad as I was thinking.

We had a conference call today through AWAA for people going through their 'paper chase' that had questions.  Some things we learned through the conference call were:

• From AWAA in 2009 there were 208 children placed in homes including HIV positive children!
• They have been able to open up a second transition home for children that will be adopted soon.  The first transition home is for infants and the second one is for older children.  There is a psychologist on sight so there can be focused care and attention for the older children.  They also help to prepare the children for their adoption.
• The ratio of kids to nannies in the TH (transition home) is 1 nanny to 5 kids.  They have 20-25 nannies on staff in the TH.  This is great!
• There is a pediatrician at the TH 6 days a week to give medical care to the kids.  So, the kids are seen on a daily and weekly basis.
• The bad news we heard today was that the US Consulate has changed the amount of kids that can get their visas to be adopted is 10 every other week.  I am not sure what the amount was before, but this changes the wait time for us to travel after we receive our referral from 2-4 weeks to 6-8 weeks.

Yesterday (Monday), I had my physical that is required for our adoption.  Caleb's physical is set for tomorrow (Wednesday).  The day couldn't have worked out any better!  It was amazing to see how God worked out the timing in it all.  For our physical we need blood work and a TB test.  With a TB test, it needs to be checked  within 48 hours.  The doctor asked if there was any way for Caleb to come in that day to do his TB test, I had my doubts because normally, he can't leave work on such short notice.  His boss and another employee came to work, not realizing it was their day off.  His boss was just about to walk out the door when I called.  Since there were enough people at the store, Caleb was able to leave right then to come and get his TB test done!  We only have one car, and I had the car, so his boss was able to drop him off at the doctor's office.  We were also able to get our blood work done that day because there is a lab in the doctor's office.  Since we have to get our physical forms notarized when the doctor signs the forms, she of  course, can't sign the forms until the blood work and TB results are in.  All the results will be in and read for his appointment Wednesday.  All the timing couldn't have worked out any better!  We will be able to get our physical forms signed and notarized tomorrow.  Another set of  paperwork we have accomplished!  It's so great to see God work even in the smallest details.

I forgot to mention in my blog about our first home study that Charis asked if we were going to see the picture of the little boy that we are going to adopt.  She was disappointed when I told her no.  That was too cute not to share.  As you can tell, Charis is super excited about getting a little brother!

Our home study journey has begun!

We had our first of four home study meetings today!  We met with our social worker and liked her immediately. We are excited to be working with her.  We've  moved since we applied (April '09) to AWAA (America World Adoption Agency) and failed to give them our new address.  Our social worker went to our previous address, luckily though, she doesn't live very far away (in the Rochester area!) and it didn't take her too long to get our new place.  If the social worker lives more than 10 miles away then fees would come into play for us to pay.  It's such a blessing not to have to pay for those fees (miles, gas, food, lodging) cause we have enough fees to pay for!! =D  Our first meeting was basically about meeting our social worker and vice versa, educating ourselves on the culture from which our child will come from and what motivated us to adopt.  Infertility has definitely played a role in that decision, but we've come to realize that it's more than that.  We feel a certain calling or life goal to adopt, not just one child, but as many as God wants us to adopt.  We see adoption as a good representation of the Gospel.  
   
James 1:27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit            orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. 


Ephesians 1:4-6 ⁴ even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love ⁵ he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, ⁶ to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.


We are adopting from Ethiopia and we talked about what that would look like for us and our child.  We have decided to adopt internationally because of the uncertainty with domestic adoption or foster care (the birth mother changing her mind; adopting through foster care can take years!).  In Ethiopia, a child will be available to adopt after 3 months of being in the orphanage.  They use those 3 months to look for family that may want to take the child or if family comes back to take the child.  Of course, life is full of uncertainties, but we feel with international adoption the children in orphanages are just that, orphans, and there are so many orphans around the world!  We've been learning that an orphanage is NOT the best place for children.  In America, we at least have the foster care system, which yes, isn't the best either, but when you have 75 plus kids to 5 or so care takers, you have children not getting the attention, love, affection, etc. that they need.   


We had a really good first visit.  It felt as if our adoption journey was real, almost like when you find out your expecting, just the excitement of knowing that soon a child will be added to your family!

Thoughts, Pondering, Rambling

I am in a dilemma, not a serious one, just need to figure something out.  Before Charis was born, I was really big into scrap booking and loved it.  I eventually lost interest and haven't done it in a long time.  The last time I scrap booked was last Christmas when our whole family (siblings, husbands and kids) were together.  We all worked on our own page for a scrap book for our parents.  I really enjoyed doing it again.  My dilemma is I have not done a scrap book for Charis, haven't even started one and she is now 6 years old now!  When she was born, we took pictures with our camera phone--not a good camera at all! I've been thinking about doing a scrap book for the child we adopt.  I want to put a book together for him/her to catalog our journey to adopt and to incorporate as much of their country and heritage as possible in the book.  I definitely want to have a scrap book for both kids, not just one.  It's overwhelming to think about.  I have a scrap booking kit (7 years old, but I have one!).  I would have to purchase an album, stickers, paper, etc. What to do...when to start...any suggestions??

In the thick of it

We are officially in the middle of what is known as the 'paper chase'.  LOTS of paperwork and documents to obtain, notarize, organize, fax, etc.  We also have to complete eight hours of online training.  Our first meeting for our home study is scheduled for January 4 at 10am.   We were having a problem with getting a notary at our doctor's office for our physicals (the doctor must sign the paperwork in the presence of the notary), but have that problem solved. We found a traveling notary that would charge $25 to meet us at our doctor's office.  WOO-HOO! Problem solved!

Getting to the heart of the matter

How it all began…

Infertility. Just that word alone conjures up sadness, grief, loss, anger, envy, guilt, isolation the list could go on for those going through this struggle. We were told that we have ‘unexplained infertility’ in the medical world. You name it we’ve tried it to conceive. Yes, we do have a wonderful and beautiful daughter named Charis. We call her our miracle child because it took 2 years to have her. We used Clomid (a mild fertility drug) to conceive her. It took just one month on Clomid! I cannot explain the joy and excitement we felt when we found that we were finally pregnant! My doctor told me that getting pregnant again is usually easier after the first child.

So….enter the world of Caleb and Tracy Kelley. We moved to South Korea in ’04 and we conceived again (without even trying, I might add!) in Jan. ’05, but this child was not meant to be. We miscarried in Feb. ’05. After our miscarriage, we definitely wanted to try again. 4 years later, we were still trying. We went back on Clomid again, tried artificial insemination (3x’s), and then IVF. We joined a church in Ozark, MO called LifePoint Church and loved it. There were a few women that I could relate to that had dealt with infertility, it was great to be able to have that commonness. We were there for about a year before God called us to move to Rochester, NY to help with a church plant named Grace Road Church. In moving to NY, God completely took me out of my comfort zone, which I did not realize until we moved. You see, there was NO ONE here struggling with infertility, it was the exact opposite ( I ‘lovingly’ referred to Rochester as ‘Fertileville’). Women were having babies by not even thinking about it. You know, the sayings ‘my husband just has to look at me and I’m pregnant’, I just have to think about it and I’m pregnant’, or ‘we weren’t even trying’! Those of you reading this going through or have gone through infertility know the pain that those phrases can bring. I felt for the longest time that I was branded because of my infertility. I felt like it was all I could talk about or if I did talk about it, all I did was get so emotional or really depressed. I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me, but at the same time it was hard to hear them talk about their pregnancy or the differences in their children. I had a hard time being around people who had more than one child or who was pregnant. I felt inadequate because I didn’t feel like I was fulfilling my God given role and desire which was to be a mom to lots of kids. I was confused because God commands us to be fruitful and multiply, but how could I fulfill His commandment when it was HIM who had closed my womb?

How do you explain this to a 4, 5, or 6 year old who asks you, ‘Mommy, I want a baby brother or a baby sister’, or mommy, when are you going to have another baby’? My response for the longest time was ‘I don’t know we’ll just have to pray about it.’ Yes, we did pray, but as time went on, I refused to pray about it because I was SO angry at God for this struggle that He chose to place on my life. I would look at other women who had loads of kids and think ‘how in the world can they complain about problems in their lives when they are blessed beyond measure with all their children?’ I couldn’t look past the part that just because they were blessed with lots of kids they still struggled with things that I may not necessarily be struggling with. Having loads of kids is not the answer to happiness. I remember Charis asking me when my tummy was going to get big because there were several women in the church who were pregnant, that’s when Caleb and I decided to talk to her about adoption. We had been thinking and praying about adoption, but I was not completely sold on the idea. I wanted to have another biological child so bad, that I didn't the like thought of raising a child from another woman. I remember reading about another couple’s struggle with infertility and they said something in the article that I will never forget. When someone is going through infertility, they are grieving a loss. I had never thought about it that way. Of course, it took a while to actually sink in before I really grasped what it all meant. I was in denial (and not even knowing it) for so long about my infertility. Moving to NY, I came face to face with it in a way that I never had before. When I finally grasped the fact that I was in fact grieving a loss, I was able to cope with my infertility so much better. I guess in a way it ‘validated’ my feelings, my longings, and my depression. I also had not grieved for this loss in my life and it was nice to put words to what I was going through. I was then able to see past the hurt, anger, grief, depression, etc.

We probably moved during the worst possible season—winter! It was COLD AND GRAY for most of the winter here. Going through this struggle during the winter did not help matters either! I had to learn to rely on Jesus more than I ever had before which did not come easily  I also came to realize (through the great preaching at Grace Road and great friends) that I was holding having a baby as an idol. I had placed wanting a baby higher than Jesus in my life. During this time I was reading a book called ‘No Other Gods’ by Kelly Minter. This book helped me tremendously at taking this idol I had placed in my life and putting Jesus back on the throne of my life. I can be quite stubborn at times.

Enter adoption…

I came to the realization that the way we were going to grow our family was through adoption and what an exciting realization it was! But first, getting approved through America World was a little stressful and the waiting seemed endless. So here we are wading through the mounds of paperwork, not to mention the money! We are excited to see how God will provide the finances. We know he has called us to adopt, so we are stepping through this door anxiously waiting to see his hand at work. We have been able to pay for the first program fee of $1125 and we just sent off another check for the home study for $3125. I just look at those numbers and think, WOW!! How were we able to have that kind of money in so little time? My answer is GOD!

I don’t think I’ll ever forget Charis’ reaction when Caleb explained to her what adoption was. Caleb explained to her that there were kids out there who did not have a mommy or daddy who loved them or could take care of them. This completely broke her heart! I think she was in tears for several minutes. This confirmed what we knew God was calling us to….adoption.